Saturday, January 14, 2012

.back-up plan.


i cried earlier today. it was a strange feeling that suddenly crawled inside me and pushed the sunny ray out of my heart. okay. i lied. it wasn’t something so sudden. i had just finished reading an entry in a blog. years back, she had lost 25 kgs!!! she was married a few months ago and now……she is pregnant.


on thursday, a colleague gave me three ulas of jackfruit with a piece of paper that has verses of doas on it. she said, eat the fruit, selawat and recite the doa. it helped with her sister being pregnant, she said. i drove home, read the doa and realized i had been practicing it all this while, reciting it after every prayer.

and on wednesday, i held one of my colleague’s baby and wished jokingly in front of others that i was ‘ambil berkat’. i guess that’s what triggered the idea of my colleague giving me the jackfruit. but i wasn’t joking when i wrote i was.

how funny life makes you feel. or people around you. at this particular moment, i feel i have not accomplished anything in my life just because i don’t have any child after almost three years of marriage.

i don’t want to hear about being redha (because i am), go see that doctor (because we did), you’re still young or try this product or that. i just want to say that it hurts when i see you with your child or children and i don’t have any.

there. i said it.

when i cried, my husband consoled me and said this is getting serious no? we’ll try harder okay? tonight let’s eat chicken chop. hahaha. i love you sayang.

all is well with the world!

.kami, kalau ade anak nanti hehe.

bye!

p/s: though i said i’ve gained weight, i’m actually losing some = 3 kgs. alhamdulillah tak naik but it ain’t going further down than that! more reasons to be depressed.


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thank you for reading!

8 comments:

Faiz said...

Dah di comment menjadi satu entry. :)

www.faizhamsidi.wordpress.com

syitah said...

okeh!

doakan kami wahai pembaca ;)

Yati said...

Allah perancang yang TERBAEK.
DIA memilih adik untuk menjadi istimewa di sisiNYA.
Bersyukur selalu.

Luv u. Muaahh.

MiNaH nGokNgEk said...

sabar eh syitah....samala situasi kte skang neh but ni suma kerja Allah....Allah bagi peluang tuk kte perbaiki dri lg before kte ada anak...indahkan aturan Allah....jom kte makan chicken chop sama2 =)

Fellow said...

aku rasa mesti ko dah bleh agak ape akan org kata/komen/ngomel *cliche mode*

aku cume nak cakap "lawa baju abg sayang ko..ngeh ngeh ngeh"



p/s:Allah give you time,strength and power to keep on trying.yeah,keep on trying..(that doesn't sound wrong,i hope) :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ppmdvXsMBE

"dear syitah,wont you come out and play" - John Lennon

syitah said...

mak : muah!

cik pah: ^__^ trima kasih..

fellow: yeah, cliche! we ARE trying hahahah. thanks weh..

Latifah said...

Dari blog Faiz, terbang ke mari.

Jangan bersedih.

Sekadar berkongsi cerita, zaman sekolah menengah dulu ada seorang ustazah, menunggu lebih dari 10 tahun untuk mendapat seorang anak. Dalam masa yang sama, beliau banyak mengambil anak angkat dari kalangan pelajar di sekolah untuk di bantu. Salah seorang termasuklah Latifah. Beliau membiayai yuran sekolah dan memberi duit belanja sekali sekala. Sudah pasti kami sentiasa mendoakan yang terbaik buatnya dan berita gembira buat kami adalah tatkala beliau disahkan mengandung~~ Sungguh, rasa bahagia di hati mendengar khabaran itu.

Jadi, banyakkan bersabar ya. Allah tahu segala yang terbaik buat kamu. :)

syitah said...

trima kasih latifah,
saye hargai perkongsian itu :)

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