.dealing with life problems.

assalamualaikum dear readers,

recently, i joined a webinar entitled bimbingan dan kaunseling: menangani masalah kehidupan melalui kerohanian, pendekatan spiritual dan barat. it took me three days to finish listening to the almost 7-hour-talk which consists of four topics delivered by four panels from various educational institutions.

the first topic left a profound realization on me. the topic is religiosity and spirituality. the similarities and differences of each element and how it affects us in daily life. after listening to prof. dr. mohamad aziz shah mohamed arip, it is much clearer why people act the way they do. i understand better on why a pious person could sexually abuse another, why someone would obey Allah willingly but has no integrity at work or why a philanthropist would not perform solat and why a hardworking and honest person would not fast in the month of ramadhan.

most of the time during the talk, being muslims and a child/parent themselves, they gave examples that are closer to them. but you do see what they meant to say, right? surely, there are other internal and external factors that contribute to why a person act a certain way like childhood traumas, demanding lifestyle etc. hence, we do need to go deeper into valid researches on why a dutiful muslim and a responsible man can kill hundreds of innocent hitchhikers, for example. during this talk, they were discussing it through insightful observation of clients and sharing of personal experiences: how you handle yourself, could help you deal with your life problems. 

.here comes the sun!.

according to the professor, being religious means that you obey God by performing His orders while keeping away from what offends Him. Meanwhile, being spiritual is where you simply be a morally good person (but hey! how do we define a "good" person? that will be another long discussion). evidently, teachings of any religion is for us to be both a devout and also a good person. yet, a religious person might not be a good person and vice versa. therefore, we need to have a balance of both, a moderate approach.

simple, ain't it...

but can you do it?

can you perform your solat five times a day

and also be honest with your work hours even when there's no one monitoring you?

can you be honest to God and to yourself?

the third topic is the choice theory reality therapy (ctrt), developed by william glasser in 1960. it is a pretty simple approach and apparently, i implemented it in my life quite recently. we take negativity out of our mind. build a quality, healthy world around us by applying the WDEP theory.

W: what do you want? 

D: what are you doing to get what you want?

E: you evaluate how well it's going

P: plan or re-plan

shared the idea of this therapy with an ex-colleague the other day as she was suffering from a severe headache caused by a high-blood pressure last weekend. She mentioned that it wasn't because of work but it was because of something that happened between her and a fellow colleague. this is a quick example of what could happen when we let external environment controls our mental health (and in her case, physical health too!) when we should have conditioned our behavior by having internal control. 

something similar happened to me and i realized i had become a bitter person just by having that person around. i let their negativity affects me and at one point, i started to doubt myself. i understand that some people are just toxic because they are dealing with their own stresses and traumas. i obviously can't change the people around me to fit my idea of a good person. so, what did i do?

i distance myself from them,

socially and also virtually.

if they are family,

only contact them when it's necessary.

if they are your colleagues,

only deal with them professionally.

no need to entertain them outside of work hours.

voila! i'm much happier and calmer.

why don't you try it?

.a mentally and physically healthier happier me.

condition yourselves

to have a better,

healthier relationship

with yourselves and others around you.

hopefully,

everything will fall into place.

interested to hear about the other two topics? here's the link to the talk...

part 1 (4:19:58) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLbGmH5gQ2c

part 2 (2:40:22) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGn1hX7eWPk&pbjreload=101

may you also be enlighten!

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thank you for reading!