somehow
i know it would be a one-line result. shouldn’t i feel different? wouldn’t i have
felt something before i did the test? motherly-instinct kicking in perhaps? eh wait,
that contradicts! i knew but yet i didn’t. i
can’t explain the feelings. as if expecting it to be a ‘no’, i did not wail.
another part which is hoping, crushed a little. though there was also relief.
why?
i read my brother’s entries again about his son, my cuddly nephew, hamzah.
something swelled inside me and my tears welled but didn’t fall. what a joy and
bliss it is to have children! even with the lack of sleep, smelly poop, parenthood and all
that jazz. (hah!
that’s what she thinks NOW…wait till she has a baby of her own!)
how i try to see it
(to make life bearable and hey, why so serious!??):
yay! we got time for more vacationing!
nay! weight-gain is not because of pregnancy!
 |
| .compulsory pose by the beach. |
a friend shared this on facebook earlier today. i've read it somewhere before but because the emotional whirlwind happened yesterday....it affects me much more now. thank you cikmie :)
bila Allah cepat makbulkan doamu, maka Dia menyayangimu,
bila Dia lambat makbulkan doamu, maka Dia ingin mengujimu,
bila Dia tidak makbulkan doamu, maka Dia merancang sesuatu yang lebih baik untukmu,
oleh itu, sentiasalah bersangka baik pada Allah dalam apa jua keadaan..
kerana kasih sayang Allah itu, mendahului kemurkaanNya..
alhamdulillah~
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thank you for reading!
3 comments:
hai...lama tak godek2 blog ko...(one thing u'll get used to bila dah ader baby hokey) here its goes...aku pon rasa apa yg ko rasa tu...setahun jugak ler menunggu. byk kali gak kene sindrom 1 line tu. tp aku selalu igtkan ckp(in my mind ler...) Allah tak bg baby lagi sebab aku tak mampu nk jaga dia. so aku tak perlu sedih sbb kalo Allah bg awal2 mau aku MERENG!! with all the hecticness, the midnight crying, the crankiness, the fever(which always made me paranoid and phobia), the falls and swollen and cuts( that always made my heart skip 2 beats).
THEN..Allah akan bg bila kita dah mampu. Allah mesti lagi faham kita kan? kan?
hehe betul la tu.
aku tak mampu lagi physically, mentally and spiritually kut..
thank you mimi utk kata2 perangsang itu :)
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